My life after college is coming together nicely. 
After a super fast interview and integration process (interview last Monday, meeting with the VP of Finance last Wednesday, first day of work on Thursday), I am now the new Cashier in Student Accounts at Eastern Nazarene College! I’m in training now through the 11th, and then it’s all mine. I’m loving it. Sometimes I don’t quite get the hang of something, but the lady training me, Beth, is so kind and wonderful, that I don’t leave at the end of the day feeling awful. The department has been extremely welcoming to me, too, which is so nice.
The one down side to working at ENC was the hour-plus-long commute, but I will be moving into an apartment with two of the admissions counselors this weekend! It’s right next to campus, and I love the room I’ll have. I’m super excited.
God has provided perfectly for me. I’m hoping to start my masters program this winter, and I’m loving everything about my life right now, even with all of its uncertainty sometimes. I don’t know everything, but I love what I do know, and I’m excited to see what else God has in store for me.
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I know the heart of life is good
I fell in love with John Mayer’s ‘Continuum’ album this summer. I know it’s not super new or anything, but Josh had it on his iPod and we listened to it frequently in the van.
In my comings and goings from Quincy to see friends and interview (second one this afternoon!!! ) these past few days, I’ve been listening to ‘Continuum’ a lot. And I <3 this song:
I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position.
There’s things you need to hear.
So turn off your tears and listen.
Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won’t all go the way it should.
But I know the heart of life is good.
You know it’s nothing new.
Bad news never had good timing.
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining.
Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won’t all go the way it should.
But I know the heart of life is good.
Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood,
But I know the heart of life is good.
I know it’s good.
~ “The Heart of Life,” by John Mayer
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Stomachache
So. Bronchitis. For the third time in the past two years. Not too thrilled about that, or about the dreaded pink pills they always put me on. They don’t necessarily tear up my stomach as much as they just make me feel like I have ridiculous abdominal indigestion. Awkward, I know. But hopefully I’ll be better within the next ten days!
I’ve been applying for jobs like crazy. My two top choices are looking pretty promising. One is as the cashier at ENC. I stopped by there on Tuesday and said hello to the director of Human Resources there, and she told me she forwarded my resume to the appropriate people after giving me a hug. I sent an inquiry email yesterday, and got a pleasant response stating that they hoped to start holding interviews next week. The only downside to this job is that it’s part-time. However, if I got it, I think I could get into some sweet ENC housing and probably pick up another part-time job (Starbucks, Marshall’s, etc). I would not mind it at all, and I’m really looking forward to hearing from them in the next week. The other job that’s looking awesome is a position at the Boston Children’s Chorus. I meet all of the requirements and I interned there a little over a year ago, so they know me already. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from them yet. I’m hoping to within the next week.
I got to spend this past Tuesday and Wednesday down on the Cape with my (hopefully, potentially) future roommate, Sarah. We swam at the beach and went to a cookout and went shopping, and it was all ridiculously lovely. On Thursday, I went to visit with Trox and KerryLynn, and saw Trox’s new apartment and said hello to her roommates and such. Her apartment is quaint and nice. I love it. After visiting with her, I went over to Marie’s apartment and visited with her, Preston, Davey, and Caily. Marie and I went to the Olive Garden and Kohl’s afterward. It was a lot of fun, even though it seems like every time she and I go to Kohl’s together, it’s a total bust, lol.
My stomach kills right now. So unfortunate. 
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Tags: Eastern Nazarene College, Bronchitis, Indigestion
My summer is over. So crazy! So scary! But so good at the same time.
My summer was wonderful. I truly enjoyed every moment of it and learned a lot about myself and others and things of that nature. I don’t miss the summer, however. There are some things I wish had gone differently, and I’ve had more than my fair share of living in a van and out of a suitcase, and I’m ready to move on.
It was weird going back to ENC for a night after debriefing and realizing that I wouldn’t be staying there for the upcoming year, moving into my new room and whatnot. Very strange. I cried.
The facilities at ENC are not what draw me to it - definitely not. The music rooms aren’t soundproofed, the pianos always need to be tuned, Munro is a firepit without air conditioning, the heat is always sketchy, as is the hot water. But the people draw me there. The community draws me there. And it was weird for me to go back to ENC and realize that not only am I not returning – most of my friends aren’t either. The class of ‘09 is exactly that – the class of ‘09. Past, not present. And now we face real life with loans and jobs and bills and new and old relationships. College was wonderful, but I am looking forward to life being wonderful. I know it will be hard – I need a job, I need an apartment – but I’m excited to enter the workforce and I’m excited to make new friends and keep the good old ones. I hope to travel frequently. And I’m excited to see my relationship with Andrew continue to grow. I’m also picking my guitar back up again after four years of neglecting it.
So I will miss the Chamber Singers and A Cappella Choir. I will miss traveling in a van every summer, and going to a new country every other January. I will miss the classes that challenged me and the classes that I could breeze by in. I will miss the community, and I will miss the fellowship at mealtimes with my friends who became my family over the four years I was in college. I will miss decorating my room and chatting with my roommate every night before we fall asleep. I will miss being challenged in my beliefs and ways of thinking. I will miss growing spiritually and academically with my peers.
But I look forward to the green and gray of life – because I know great things will come from it.
I’m in a room full of people, hanging on one person’s breath.
We would all vote him most likely to be loved to death.
I hope he still wants it, but it might remind him of when
He aimed for the bull’s eye and hit it nine times out of ten.
That one time his hand slipped, and I saw the dart sail away.
I don’t know where it landed, but I’m guessing between green and gray.
Well, I thought nothing of it, but it still haunts him like a ghost,
With all eyes upon him, except two that matter the most.
He says “Green is the color everyone sees all around me.
Gray is the color I see around her, and she’s just a blur.”
The more the crowd cheers, the less I can hear and they don’t really care what I play.
It might be for her. But for now it’s between green and gray.
We paid and we cheered, now we’re gone and to us that feels right.
But for him, every one of those evenings turns into a night
With another hotel room where he lays awake to pretend
that he’s doing fine with his notebook and discman for friends.
He says “Green is the color everyone sees all around me.
Gray is the color I see around her, and she’s just a blur.”
Night after night what I hear, what I write fills the room and my head starts to sway.
It might be for her, but for now it’s between green and gray.
I want you to love me, he whispers, unable to speak
And he wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak.
Then he awoke. Now he’s scared to death somebody heard.
If it was you, and you know her, please don’t say a word.
~ “Green and Gray” by Nickel Creek
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I have been meaning to update this blog all summer, but internet access is always on the fritz and sometimes I’m just so exhausted at the end of the day, I can barely type.
I can’t believe the summer is almost over. It’s so crazy and scary and relieving, all at the same time.
We started the summer on the Pittsburgh district. We worked for a week at various newstart and restart churches, playing concerts for them and helping out with service projects. Starting off the summer without a teen camp was strange for me, and I think an interesting experience for the boys on my team, but it was fun. It was a bit exhausting, moving to a new place every two days, but it was interesting, to say the least. We were lucky to have a day off in the middle of it, which was really nice.
The next week we headed to Bel Air, Maryland, to work at a church there. We did a few service projects there, as well as hung out with the teens and went to Hershey Park. That place is the shiznit. I went on my first real roller coaster, and loved every minute of it. We were privileged to work for a few hours for a Nazarene Compassionate Ministries warehouse that sends out clothing to poor countries. We were also able to help with renovations on a mansion in Baltimore that is going to be turned into a house for women in crisis, called Samaritan Women. I’m hoping to volunteer at something like that after the summer, so it was cool to be able to help lay groundwork at a place like that.
After that week, we hit up two family camps – Maine and Mid-Atlantic. Maine was really chill. We only led worship at night, and stayed in a cute motel and did random stuff during the day. Chris, Jill, and Josh went canoeing one day, while I stayed at the motel with a cold. We drove back to PA for Mid-Atlantic family camp, where we worked with the kids. One of the other summer min teams, Redemption, was there, so it was nice to spend a few days with them. We’ve seen two of the three other teams, which has been great, but I miss the children’s team a lot and wish we had been able to see them. Our schedules just never matched up.
That weekend we stopped at Andrew’s house for dinner, which was great. He gave me Photoshop for my birthday, which I was so excited about. It was nice to hang out with him and his brother and Jeff. My team and I enjoyed ourselves.
We then went to Pittsburgh teen camp which was our first teen camp of the summer. It was crazy and intense and awesome. I absolutely loved it there, even though it was hard to get up some mornings because I was so tired. The food was roughskies, but the kids and leadership were fantastic.
After that, we headed to New England teen camp. It was pretty rainy but I enjoyed the cabin I was in and seeing some of my girls from last year. I hoping to visit one of them in the fall to see her college.
We just ended Virginia Jr. High camp. Our responsibilities there were really different than at any other camp I’ve ever been to. We didn’t lead worship or games or really help out with much. We were small group leaders and we did some silly songs before services, but other than that, not much. But it was really nice and I enjoyed being with the girls in my small group.
We’re now at a hotel for the day before going to VA family camp and then Fishkill for the last two weeks of the summer. I’m really excited for being at Fishkill. It seems like it’s gonna be a fun week.
After that, I’m not really sure what I’ll be doing. I’m hoping to get a job back at the Naz but I could be happy simply working at Starbucks as well.
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My hips don’t lie
I have a big butt.
It’s not enormous or disproportionate…but it’s definitely there.
Ok. Maybe it is enormous. But whatever.
I remember realizing that my butt and my thighs were large when I was…hmm…around the age of 12. My family had taken a road trip to Ohio, and when we got the photos from the trip developed, I came across one of my sisters and I. They’re seven and nine years younger than me, so I already looked gargantuan next to them, but then, oh, my word, my legs. I was sitting down on a bench in these adorable purple shorts and all I could focus on was my thighs. OMG. They looked huge. I recently came across this photo once again, and looking at it now, my thighs don’t look that big at all. Nevertheless, that was the end of my short wearing days. I vowed to myself to never wear shorts again, and from that day forth, I only wore pants, and in the summertime, capris.
Shopping for pants was always a bit of a struggle for me, as they would be my size, but I would have to buy them a size bigger because of my big butt and thighs. So irritating. I often had to shop in the women’s section for pants instead of the juniors section because…well…I had a women’s lower half. But no one ever commented on it; it was more of an annoyance than any self esteem thing.
And then. I went to college. Now, my fashion sense at the beginning of my college career was less than stellar. It consisted of hand-me-down jeans, boxy awkward shirts, and platform goth boots (I’m happy to say that I think I have a better idea of fashion now). However, even with my scary wardrobe hiding my body, I still got comments about my hips, thighs, and butt from friends…and others. “You have childbearing hips,” was the statement that sent me overboard. I started to doubt how I looked. I no longer saw myself as attractive and cute. I felt like a whale.
But then, eventually, I realized. This is my body. There is not much I can do to change it, especially that whole area, because that is strictly my Italian genes. And God made me this way! He made my butt!
So, I have learned that although I am very, very pasty white, as my one of my friends and coworkers has stated, “Yeah, I’ve noticed that. You have such a black girl’s booty!” And black girls are proud of their booties! So why shouldn’t I be proud of mine?
I am not stick-skinny. I definitely do not have a bikini body. But I have a nice ass! And that’s something some girls wish they could have.
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Tags: big butt, hips, thighs, God
On being a graduate
It has been two weeks since I was last a student at ENC. Someone asked me recently what being a graduate felt like, and I really couldn’t answer. I don’t think it’s truly hit me yet. Yes, I know I am not a college student anymore, and I know my friends are not a floor up or down or a quick walk across the quad (I cried and cried and cried the night before, day of, and day after graduation because of this), but I’m going back to ENC for summer min training in a week, so it feels like I’m still a student. I told the person who asked me what it felt like to ask me when the summer was over. I’ll be able to better collect my thoughts about it then.
Still job searching so I can have something set up for the end of the summer when I come back from traveling. It’s pretty daunting, but I’m glad I have the buffer of the summer to continue to work on this.
Found new music I absolutely adore: Owl City. It’s this guy who writes happy indielectronica and records it all in his basement. His facebook page states “If your household appliances wrote love songs while you were away on vacation, their cheerful blips and bleeps would pour out the windows, sweep through the neighborhood like candy-coated tidal waves, and you would return home to find crowds of people standing on your lawn, clapping and singing along to the happiest pop melodies imaginable. Welcome to Owl City. ” And it’s so true. It sounds just like that.
Also have a new phone, courtesy of my nice boyfriend. It’s a little LG Chocolate in black and I love it.
Ok. All updated. And not emo. Good.
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Tags: Eastern Nazarene College, graduate, job search, LG Chocolate, Owl City
Outside of myself
I’m so outside of myself today. My head is swimming. My heart is drowning in everything going on.
I need to stop being so bitter and biting. Everything is not about me. I need to get ahold of that.
I’m so afraid of love. I don’t even know if I know how to be in love after everything.
I find it hard to be accepted now as a friend when I am so used to being rejected before for reasons unknown to me. I don’t know how to reconcile who I was then with who I am now, and vice versa. I don’t know how to make sense of everything.
The fact that I actually went through such a horrible time with Katie dying is hitting me now. Even now it’s still pretty surreal to me.
Life is hard, but life is beautiful, and I don’t know how to reconcile these two worldviews swimming behind my eyes.
I need to cry. I need a good cry. And I have so many things to cry about but the last thing I want to do is break down and be a wuss and make a scene.
I just want things to be acknowledged that everything was f’ed up for some reason or another. And I don’t want to consistently have to be the one saying, Hey, this sucked and it’s not just my fault. Maybe some of it was, but even so. I just want an apology and an acknowledgement that that whole ordeal was hell.
Oh, there’s probably more. But hey. You know.
I don’t want pity. I just want to cry.
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He has sung over me
I’ve been through a lot in life. We all have. I don’t ask for sympathy or pity, I just acknowledge that things happen.
For summer min this year we have been doing devotions and one of the verses that was in there for one day was Zephaniah 3:17.
For the Lord your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song.
God has sung over me, and I have been blessed.
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Recent Entries
- The heart of life really is good :)
- I know the heart of life is good
- Stomachache
- But for now it’s between green and gray
- I could go anywhere with you, and I’d probably be happy…
- My hips don’t lie
- On being a graduate
- Double standards are the new black
- Outside of myself
- He has sung over me
- “And Life Will Glow”
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