Don’t mess with the baristas.

So, I don’t know if I should call myself a Starbuckian or whatever now; but I’ve been working there part-time since the beginning of November. At first, I wasn’t in love with it, and then I hated it, but after I told my manager I was planning on quitting and he convinced me to stay, it’s been better. “Honestly, you came on board when the sh** was hitting the fan,” he said. “I knew this would make a bad impression on you.” After he explained some things to me, I told him I would stay on for a bit longer and reevaluate. Since then, it’s been pretty peachy (except the hours can be dumb…four opening shifts, 4 to 9 or 10 am, in a row, and Saturday 8 am to 4 pm shifts totally wipe me out). I get along pretty well with most of the partners, and the tips are awesome, and having this job in addition to my other part-time one at ENC makes me almost positive I’ll be able to pay for grad school completely on my own.

However, there are some rude customers. Listen, I know you are tired and cranky and need your americano to wake up, but don’t be a dirtbag when you deal with us. We’re not robots, and we WANT to and LIKE to help you, and ask how your morning is. Don’t be snappy when we’re making YOUR drink and warming up YOUR breakfast sandwich because the line isn’t moving as fast as you want it to.

Case in point. This past Wednesday and Thursday mornings were absolutely mad. The line was seriously out the door for at least an hour, and there was literally nothing we could do to make it go down quickly. Most people are patient, and for that I am extremely grateful. I really, really appreciate when I finally get to ring up someone who has been standing in line for a decent amount of time and they are still pleasant to deal with. So to all those polite Starbucks customers, thank you. You are awesome. But, of course, for every ten nice people, there’s a stinker. So this guy…always gets the same thing. And he just couldn’t be patient. So he left the line, threw his money down on the counter for two newspapers, and yelled over to me, “I can’t wait for this anymore. Here’s money for the papers.” Ok. Whatever. You are impatient, maybe you had somewhere to go, whatever.

This morning he returned! There was no line, so he got served fairly quickly. He got his usual meal and the two papers, and then says to my shift manager and I, “I don’t know what it is about Thursday mornings, but yesterday was ridiculous.” I agreed with him. It was. But then he had the gall to say, “And that lady that was up here with you. You have to do something about her. She is so slow and slows everything up. It’s all her.”

Listen. You want to be behind the counter and try marking cups for drinks, pouring coffees, warming up pastries and breakfast sandwiches, getting teas, ringing up your order exactly the way you like it,  and grinding coffee so we don’t run out by the time you get to the register, you’re welcome to. Until then, shut up. You are rude. And I doubt you had anywhere special to run off to with your two newspapers that morning. Just calm down.

My shift manager got so mad. She vowed from that day forward he would always get decaf drinks.

Don’t mess with the baristas.

How far is too far?

I had the weirdest day yesterday. It had a lot of ups and downs I never expected to go through. It wasn’t an awful day, but it wasn’t awesome either.

I have been pondering about whether or not I should let a certain individual know some things that they may not have known prior to yesterday. So when said individual came into my office that afternoon and was telling me some things going on in their life, I felt like I had an open door to say, This is what happened in my experience…be careful. I went through tons and tons of crap and I don’t want you to deal with the same thing. I always question after these sorts of conversations happen whether or not I was either too nice and understanding, and didn’t give enough of a warning (“Yeah, this happened to me, but I do know that people grow up and change”); or if I just overstepped my boundaries (the idea that I have just given someone I don’t know very well advice to stay out of certain situations). I struggle with finding even ground in those circumstances and always wrestle a little bit with myself after those types of conversation end.

Many times, I also don’t know if I should be nice in certain situations and with certain people, or give them a little taste of how things really are. I strive to always treat people with kindness, and I hate when I have to say, Listen, you are not awesome. Because everyone is awesome in their own way…but when it comes down to hurting others because you think/know you’re awesome, then things get out of hand. I never want to say to someone, Hey, you’re really not a great friend. But what else am I supposed to say when it has become a pattern? I can’t pat you on the back anymore.

And I also maybe don’t know the rules of venting. When I vent, I go on for a little while about my frustrations, and maybe am sometimes not as specific as I should be. And that totally came to bite me in the butt last night, as someone I had vented to took something I had said completely out of context and it really made me nervous.

So I don’t know about these things. How to tell someone they’re a crappy friend…and actually have them listen. How to stay within boundaries…but still let someone know they’re treading on thin ice. And how to vent…without people thinking the world is ending. I don’t know how far is too far.

But I’m trying to learn.

Blogworthy

I seriously have problems with updating this blog. Come on, Erica, come on. It’s not that blogworthy things haven’t occurred in my life – they certainly have! I just get lazy, I think. I like to be creative and witty, and when I have nothing in mind except to update the status of my day, then, well, what is a blog post for?

But onto blogworthy things…

Andrew & I celebrated our 1-year anniversary on November 11. He was able to come visit for the following weekend, and we had a ton of fun. We went Christmas shopping and watched some movies and went out to eat. I got kind of dizzy at the restaurant, which was weird, but I survived. Andrew also had to watch football that Sunday with no sound…because the cable at my house sucks, for whatever reason. We have several channels with no sound, TBS is frequently in Spanish, and Lifetime has the audio of Fox News while Wife Swap is on. Which is really quite sad. Because I like Wife Swap.

I picked up another part-time job at Starbucks about a month ago. It’s really not anything that I envisioned it being. I heard such great things from so many people about working there and how the people are always awesome and the atmosphere is so great. Not so at my store, unfortunately. I really enjoy working with the majority of the people there, so that’s not a problem, but the lack of professionalism and responsibility really irks me. I work the early morning opening shifts, and this morning I left after waiting outside for an hour for the shift manager to show up…and it’s not the first time that has happened to me. Right now, I currently feel a little uncomfortable regarding what happened this morning because I don’t want to be stepped all over and disrespected in such a way that a person simply cannot get out of bed to come open up the store, so I left, but I felt bad when the shift manager finally did show up – an hour and a half later than scheduled – and called me to ask if I wanted to come in. I said no, I didn’t, because it really is a hassle for me to get there. I either bike or walk, and it’s usually not an issue (unless it’s raining; then it’s annoying), but not after I was already there at 5:30 this morning, waited outside in the cold for an hour, and then left. I’m not about to lug my butt back out of bed just so I can go there and work with a cranky shift manager. No way. And I’m still trying to warm up from being out there so long.

Work at ENC continues to go well, in extreme opposition from Starbucks. I love the black-and-white nature of it. Money, although not stable in practice, is stable on paper and computer screens, and I find that comforting. There’s no wondering about how money thinks you look or act that day. It’s just money. And all I have to do is deposit it and move it along. I do have a slight issue with certain students who think we’re biffles and make my office their hangout. But sometimes I’m short with them so they know they’re not welcome to chill for hours on end in there while I’m trying to work. It’s not that I don’t want people to visit – I do! I love people, especially at ENC, but I just don’t think it’s professional to have someone standing over my desk for hours on end telling me all about their woes and worries. Just pay your school bill. Please.

I’m starting grad school at ENC in February. My first class begins on the first of that month, and I’m pretty excited. I will be studying to get a Masters of Science in Management (MSM), and will be done in about two years. Also, with my student loans deferred, and if I play my cards right, I’m fairly sure I will be able to pay for most, if not all, of my tuition out of pocket. That’s my goal, at least. No more school loans for me, please and thank you.

I got a little netbook on Black Friday. I had to work that morning, but my roomie, Fussell, stood in line at Best Buy for a few hours in the rain and cold to get herself a new laptop (she desperately needed one) and my little netbook. I’m in love with it, but now my actual laptop won’t connect to the Internet, which is weird.

My other roomie, Vdawg, is moving to Peru in February! She’s worked at ENC for several years and has always felt called to missions, so she was accepted for a long-term (2 years!) missions trip with the Nazarene church to Peru. She has guts. I don’t think I could ever do that.

And, the Christmas season is upon us! I don’t know how, but I had most of my Christmas shopping done before December first. I really stressed over Andrew’s gifts (he’s the worst to shop for), but I think I did ok. I also managed to get myself a few fun and nice things during my excursions. I got a really pretty new winter jacket. It’s a deep teal blue with military buttons, and I love it. I also was able to snag the new Norah Jones CD “The Fall” for $7 on Black Friday, and the second season of Flight of the Conchords for $15 at Barnes & Noble (of all places, the most expensive book store on the planet) the other day. Recently, I went to Marshall’s and found a pair of cute flat black boots that miraculously fit my “muscular” calves and were only $20. I’m a bargain shopper. Don’t judge me.

Last but not least, I will be able to see Andrew in a few weeks! I haven’t seen him since our anniversary weekend, so I asked for a few days off from Starbucks after Christmas and before New Year’s (ENC is closed during that time) to go for a little visit to New York. I’m super excited because his family is planning a whole big trip into the city to see the Rockefeller Tree, and I’ve never seen it.

There. A blogworthy blog post. I like it.

The heart of life really is good :)

My life after college is coming together nicely.

After a super fast interview and integration process (interview last Monday, meeting with the VP of Finance last Wednesday, first day of work on Thursday), I am now the new Cashier in Student Accounts at Eastern Nazarene College! I’m in training now through the 11th, and then it’s all mine. I’m loving it.  Sometimes I don’t quite get the hang of something, but the lady training me, Beth, is so kind and wonderful, that I don’t leave at the end of the day feeling awful. The department has been extremely welcoming to me, too, which is so nice.

The one down side to working at ENC was the hour-plus-long commute, but I will be moving into an apartment with two of the admissions counselors this weekend! It’s right next to campus, and I love the room I’ll have.  I’m super excited.

God has provided perfectly for me. I’m hoping to start my masters program this winter, and I’m loving everything about my life right now, even with all of its uncertainty sometimes. I don’t know everything, but I love what I do know, and I’m excited to see what else God has in store for me.

I know the heart of life is good

I fell in love with John Mayer’s ‘Continuum’ album this summer. I know it’s not super new or anything, but Josh had it on his iPod and we listened to it frequently in the van.

In my comings and goings from Quincy to see friends and interview (second one this afternoon!!! ) these past few days, I’ve been listening to ‘Continuum’ a lot. And I <3 this song:

I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position.
There’s things you need to hear.
So turn off your tears and listen.
Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won’t all go the way it should.
But I know the heart of life is good.

You know it’s nothing new.
Bad news never had good timing.
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining.

Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won’t all go the way it should.
But I know the heart of life is good.

Pain throws your heart to the ground.
Love turns the whole thing around.
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood,
But I know the heart of life is good.
I know it’s good.

~ “The Heart of Life,” by John Mayer

Stomachache

So. Bronchitis. For the third time in the past two years. Not too thrilled about that, or about the dreaded pink pills they always put me on. They don’t necessarily tear up my stomach as much as they just make me feel like I have ridiculous abdominal indigestion. Awkward, I know. But hopefully I’ll be better within the next ten days!

I’ve been applying for jobs like crazy. My two top choices are looking pretty promising. One is as the cashier at ENC. I stopped by there on Tuesday and said hello to the director of Human Resources there, and she told me she forwarded my resume to the appropriate people after giving me a hug. I sent an inquiry email yesterday, and got a pleasant response stating that they hoped to start holding interviews next week. The only downside to this job is that it’s part-time. However, if I got it, I think I could get into some sweet ENC housing and probably pick up another part-time job (Starbucks, Marshall’s, etc). I would not mind it at all, and I’m really looking forward to hearing from them in the next week. The other job that’s looking awesome is a position at the Boston Children’s Chorus. I meet all of the requirements and I interned there a little over a year ago, so they know me already. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from them yet. I’m hoping to within the next week.

I got to spend this past Tuesday and Wednesday down on the Cape with my (hopefully, potentially) future roommate, Sarah. We swam at the beach and went to a cookout and went shopping, and it was all ridiculously lovely.  On Thursday, I went to visit with Trox and KerryLynn, and saw Trox’s new apartment and said hello to her roommates and such. Her apartment is quaint and nice. I love it. After visiting with her, I went over to Marie’s apartment and visited with her, Preston, Davey, and Caily. Marie and I went to the Olive Garden and Kohl’s afterward. It was a lot of fun, even though it seems like every time she and I go to Kohl’s together, it’s a total bust, lol.

My stomach kills right now. So unfortunate.

But for now it’s between green and gray

My summer is over. So crazy! So scary! But so good at the same time.

My summer was wonderful. I truly enjoyed every moment of it and learned a lot about myself and others and things of that nature. I don’t miss the summer, however. There are some things I wish had gone differently, and I’ve had more than my fair share of living in a van and out of a suitcase, and I’m ready to move on.

It was weird going back to ENC for a night after debriefing and realizing that I wouldn’t be staying there for the upcoming year, moving into my new room and whatnot. Very strange. I cried.

The facilities at ENC are not what draw me to it - definitely not. The music rooms aren’t soundproofed, the pianos always need to be tuned, Munro is a firepit without air conditioning, the heat is always sketchy, as is the hot water. But the people draw me there. The community draws me there. And it was weird for me to go back to ENC and realize that not only am I not returning – most of my friends aren’t either. The class of ‘09 is exactly that – the class of ‘09. Past, not present. And now we face real life with loans and jobs and bills and new and old relationships. College was wonderful, but I am looking forward to life being wonderful. I know it will be hard – I need a job, I need an apartment – but I’m excited to enter the workforce and I’m excited to make new friends and keep the good old ones. I hope to travel frequently. And I’m excited to see  my relationship with Andrew continue to grow. I’m also picking my guitar back up again after four years of neglecting it.

So I will miss the Chamber Singers and A Cappella Choir. I will miss traveling in a van every summer, and going to a new country every other January. I will miss the classes that challenged me and the classes that I could breeze by in. I will miss the community, and I will miss the fellowship at mealtimes with my friends who became my family over the four years I was in college. I will miss decorating my room and chatting with my roommate every night before we fall asleep. I will miss being challenged in my beliefs and ways of thinking. I will miss growing spiritually and academically with my peers.

But I look forward to the green and gray of life – because I know great things will come from it.

I’m in a room full of people, hanging on one person’s breath.
We would all vote him most likely to be loved to death.
I hope he still wants it, but it might remind him of when
He aimed for the bull’s eye and hit it nine times out of ten.
That one time his hand slipped, and I saw the dart sail away.
I don’t know where it landed, but I’m guessing between green and gray.
Well, I thought nothing of it, but it still haunts him like a ghost,
With all eyes upon him, except two that matter the most.

He says “Green is the color everyone sees all around me.
Gray is the color I see around her, and she’s just a blur.”
The more the crowd cheers, the less I can hear and they don’t really care what I play.
It might be for her. But for now it’s between green and gray.

We paid and we cheered, now we’re gone and to us that feels right.
But for him, every one of those evenings turns into a night
With another hotel room where he lays awake to pretend
that he’s doing fine with his notebook and discman for friends.

He says “Green is the color everyone sees all around me.
Gray is the color I see around her, and she’s just a blur.”
Night after night what I hear, what I write fills the room and my head starts to sway.
It might be for her, but for now it’s between green and gray.

I want you to love me, he whispers, unable to speak
And he wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak.
Then he awoke. Now he’s scared to death somebody heard.
If it was you, and you know her, please don’t say a word.

~ “Green and Gray” by Nickel Creek

I could go anywhere with you, and I’d probably be happy…

I have been meaning to update this blog all summer, but internet access is always on the fritz and sometimes I’m just so exhausted at the end of the day, I can barely type.

I can’t believe the summer is almost over. It’s so crazy and scary and relieving, all at the same time.

We started the summer on the Pittsburgh district. We worked for a week at various newstart and restart churches, playing concerts for them and helping out with service projects. Starting off the summer without a teen camp was strange for me, and I think an interesting experience for the boys on my team, but it was fun. It was a bit exhausting, moving to a new place every two days, but it was interesting, to say the least. We were lucky to have a day off in the middle of it, which was really nice.

The next week we headed to Bel Air, Maryland, to work at a church there. We did a few service projects there, as well as hung out with the teens and went to Hershey Park. That place is the shiznit. I went on my first real roller coaster, and loved every minute of it.   We were privileged to work for a few hours for a Nazarene Compassionate Ministries warehouse that sends out clothing to poor countries. We were also able to help with renovations on a mansion in Baltimore that is going to be turned into a house for women in crisis, called Samaritan Women. I’m hoping to volunteer at something like that after the summer, so it was cool to be able to help lay groundwork at a place like that.

After that week, we hit up two family camps – Maine and Mid-Atlantic. Maine was really chill. We only led worship at night, and stayed in a cute motel and did random stuff during the day. Chris, Jill, and Josh went canoeing one day, while I stayed at the motel with a cold.   We drove back to PA for Mid-Atlantic family camp, where we worked with the kids. One of the other summer min teams, Redemption, was there, so it was nice to spend a few days with them. We’ve seen two of the three other teams, which has been great, but I miss the children’s team a lot and wish we had been able to see them. Our schedules just never matched up.

That weekend we stopped at Andrew’s house for dinner, which was great. He gave me Photoshop for my birthday, which I was so excited about. It was nice to hang out with him and his brother and Jeff. My team and I enjoyed ourselves.

We then went to Pittsburgh teen camp which was our first teen camp of the summer. It was crazy and intense and awesome. I absolutely loved it there, even though it was hard to get up some mornings because I was so tired. The food was roughskies, but the kids and leadership were fantastic.

After that, we headed to New England teen camp. It was pretty rainy but I enjoyed the cabin I was in and seeing some of my girls from last year. I hoping to visit one of them in the fall to see her college.

We just ended Virginia Jr. High camp. Our responsibilities there were really different than at any other camp I’ve ever been to. We didn’t lead worship or games or really help out with much. We were small group leaders and we did some silly songs before services, but other than that, not much. But it was really nice and I enjoyed being with the girls in my small group.

We’re now at a hotel for the day before going to VA family camp and then Fishkill for the last two weeks of the summer. I’m really excited for being at Fishkill. It seems like it’s gonna be a fun week.

After that, I’m not really sure what I’ll be doing. I’m hoping to get a job back at the Naz but I could be happy simply working at Starbucks as well.

My hips don’t lie

I have a big butt.

It’s not enormous or disproportionate…but it’s definitely there.

Ok. Maybe it is enormous. But whatever.

I remember realizing that my butt and my thighs were large when I was…hmm…around the age of 12. My family had taken a road trip to Ohio, and when we got the photos from the trip developed, I came across one of my sisters and I. They’re seven and nine years younger than me, so I already looked gargantuan next to them, but then, oh, my word, my legs. I was sitting down on a bench in these adorable purple shorts and all I could focus on was my thighs. OMG. They looked huge. I recently came across this photo once again, and looking at it now, my thighs don’t look that big at all. Nevertheless, that was the end of my short wearing days. I vowed to myself to never wear shorts again, and from that day forth, I only wore pants, and in the summertime, capris.

Shopping for pants was always a bit of a struggle for me, as they would be my size, but I would have to buy them a size bigger because of my big butt and thighs. So irritating. I often had to shop in the women’s section for pants instead of the juniors section because…well…I had a women’s lower half. But no one ever commented on it; it was more of an annoyance than any self esteem thing.

And then. I went to college. Now, my fashion sense at the beginning of my college career was less than stellar. It consisted of hand-me-down jeans, boxy awkward shirts, and platform goth boots (I’m happy to say that I think I have a better idea of fashion now). However, even with my scary wardrobe hiding my body, I still got comments about my hips, thighs, and butt from friends…and others. “You have childbearing hips,” was the statement that sent me overboard. I started to doubt how I looked. I no longer saw myself as attractive and cute. I felt like a whale.

But then, eventually, I realized. This is my body. There is not much I can do to change it, especially that whole area, because that is strictly my Italian genes. And God made me this way! He made my butt!

So, I have learned that although I am very, very pasty white, as my one of my friends and coworkers has stated, “Yeah, I’ve noticed that. You have such a black girl’s booty!” And black girls are proud of their booties! So why shouldn’t I be proud of mine?

I am not stick-skinny. I definitely do not have a bikini body. But I have a nice ass! And that’s something some girls wish they could have.

On being a graduate

It has been two weeks since I was last a student at ENC. Someone asked me recently what being a graduate felt like, and I really couldn’t answer. I don’t think it’s truly hit me yet. Yes, I know I am not a college student anymore, and I know my friends are not a floor up or down or a quick walk across the quad (I cried and cried and cried the night before, day of, and day after graduation because of this), but I’m going back to ENC for summer min training in a week, so it feels like I’m still a student. I told the person who asked me what it felt like to ask me when the summer was over. I’ll be able to better collect my thoughts about it then.

Still job searching so I can have something set up for the end of the summer when I come back from traveling. It’s pretty daunting, but I’m glad I have the buffer of the summer to continue to work on this.

Found new music I absolutely adore: Owl City. It’s this guy who writes happy indielectronica and records it all in his basement. His facebook page states “If your household appliances wrote love songs while you were away on vacation, their cheerful blips and bleeps would pour out the windows, sweep through the neighborhood like candy-coated tidal waves, and you would return home to find crowds of people standing on your lawn, clapping and singing along to the happiest pop melodies imaginable. Welcome to Owl City. ” And it’s so true. It sounds just like that.

Also have a new phone, courtesy of my nice boyfriend. It’s a little LG Chocolate in black and I love it.

Ok. All updated. And not emo. Good.